Great Expectations

 

Last week saw the start of my final semester as a second-year student nurse, and I can’t help but feel that by comparison this year has gone much quicker than my first. Perhaps it’s because the learning curve was so staggeringly steep during those initial twelve months; every lecture, every placement, every shift, all felt like unexplored and uncertain territory. Fortunately, by the time second year rolled around a feeling of familiarity had begun to set in, and both my confidence and comfort levels benefited as a result.

 

Very early on into my second year (in fact I think it was the first day!) I realised that whilst some things would follow much the same pattern as the previous year, the expectations now placed upon us were vastly different. Academically things had obviously stepped up a gear (or five), and the story was much the same out in practice. I remember there being an almost protective quality that came with being a first year, a kind of get-out-of-jail card if you will; on the occasion that somebody mistook you for a more-advanced student or even qualified nurse, it was common to hear someone say ‘she’s only a first-year’ by way of an excuse. That all changed the day I transitioned from a first-year to a second-year student nurse however. Gone was the proverbial cotton wool that had somewhat protected me whilst in the infancy of my education, and in its place was an almost tangible weight of expectation from those all around me; these days you’re far more likely to hear ‘let the student do that - she’s a second year, she can handle it’, and I’m pleased and proud to say that for the most part, I can.

 

So now that I find myself coming towards the end of my second year, my thoughts naturally turn to third year and the even greater expectations that will fall upon me during the final stretch of my nursing education. I envisage it to be equally terrifying and demanding, requiring yet another step up academically, as well as the infamous management placement to conquer, and the small matter of a dissertation to write. The story doesn’t end there though, because once I’ve (hopefully) completed third year and graduated, the really hard stuff starts. I imagine the transition from student to qualified nurse to be the most the difficult, whilst also being the most anticipated and worthwhile. I know that there are worrying and tough times ahead, but I also know that I will do whatever it takes to succeed; after all I didn’t come into this profession to be an adequate nurse, I came into it to be the best nurse that I can be, and ultimately, I expect nothing less from myself.

A Positive Approach

It wasn’t until the idea of becoming a nurse started to emerge that I began to broaden my healthcare horizon to extend beyond that of my life-long fascination with the human form, and take an increasing interest in other issues such as medicine, health-care provision, and of course the nursing profession. Since then, I have tried to ensure that I keep abreast of all things health related, particularly on a national level. However, I’m becoming more and more frustrated and fatigued at reading/hearing/seeing the incessant negative and dour press surrounding the nursing profession, and our hardly-flawless but nonetheless largely wonderful national health service. I am in no way denying that terrible things can and do happen both within the profession and the NHS, or indeed that things need to be reported and addressed, but I do want to promote some of the more positive and truly amazing events that also occur. I can think of no better or more relevant way of doing this than by writing about my personal experiences in practice, including the absolutely incredible, awe-inspiring, and unforgettable placement I have had this semester, which has without doubt been one of the best experiences of my life.

To date, I have never encountered a bad placement: I’ve inevitably enjoyed some more than others, but ultimately every experience has had something to offer. I’ve worked across different trusts, different areas, and different settings, and the care, for the most part, has been consistently high. I’ve worked with teams who have been understaffed, under-resourced, and over-stretched, and whilst the level of care was variable and not entirely holistic, it was, in my opinion, these aforementioned pressures and constraints that were the major contributory factors. I am certainly not implying that this is always the case; I’m sure we’re all too aware that substandard care delivered by substandard individuals is very much a reality, and whilst one such individual is always one too many, my experience has been that such cases are the exception and not the rule.

The vast majority of people whom I have encountered throughout my placements have demonstrated the kind of patient-centred and holistic care that has endlessly impressed and inspired me. I have been consistently moved by the plights of many patients, and so have I by the exceptional care and attention that they duly received. I have finished countless shifts feeling completely dejected and at a loss as to how I will ever be as good a nurse as so-and-so is. I have experienced first hand the compassion and empathy of nurses, who have quite literally held my hand and tirelessly supported me through the tough times of this degree. And perhaps most tellingly, many of these nurses have passed the ubiquitous would-I-be-happy-for-this-person-to-look-after-one-of-my-own-family-members benchmark nursing assessment with flying colours.

I could go on, but I strongly suspect that I am preaching to the choir. I for one am truly proud to be a part of this very special profession; a pride which deepens and develops with each and every placement, due mainly to the many magnificent nurses I have encountered along the way. I can only hope that one day I am the kind of nurse who motivates and inspires new generations of nurses coming through the ranks to be the very best that they can be, in much the same way that I have been.

'Twas The Week Before Placement...

So the start of my next placement is now just beyond the horizon, and I am determined to tackle as many of my practice demons as possible. I am what you would call an emu you see: I have a tendency to run away and hide from things that scare me, but I know that this no longer an option what with being halfway to becoming a qualified nurse!!! And breathe... It’s time that I confronted my practice fears head on, and so to help me on my mission I’ve decided to compile a conducive checklist to help me on my journey.

• Get over my seemingly insurmountable fear of doctors! At the end of the day we are all the same: people.
• Accept that performing painful or uncomfortable procedures is a necessary part of the job. Do it well, and hopefully it will be the care, compassion, and empathy that the patient remembers and not the pain.
• Be brave and speak up. I have a duty and a right to challenge bad practice and behaviour, whether that be in relation to a patient or myself.
• Endure and survive night shifts. Having never worked a night shift in my life, it’s not surprising that I find the mere thought of them both foreign and formidable all at the same time.
• Give my first handover - hopefully a good one! I can’t imagine being able to do this by the end of my degree, never mind during my next placement! The thought of public speaking combined with missing or misinterpreting important information fills me with utter fear and dread. Fortunately, I have stumbled upon some excellent resources courtesy of Nursing Times, including a super handy Nursepedia. You can find them here and here.

Come Monday it will be time to face my fears, and whilst I may not overcome all of them during this one placement, I know that I must start to address at least some of them. If all else fails, there’s always the sluice to hide in!

Stuck In A Rut

Last semester proved a tad stressful for me. I worked hard, agonised hard, and then agonised some more, and fortunately, it paid off. I decided from the very start of second year that I would be going after that first classification all guns blazing, and for a while there, I did. However, things aren’t exactly going according to plan this semester. My motivation it seems has completely deserted me: nowhere to be found, and as a direct result my work ethic currently leaves a lot to be desired.

The problem is I’m enjoying life too much. Not being on placement and having to endure shifts that make me delirious with exhaustion, combined with not having to write any soul-destroying and panic-attack-inducing assignments leaves plenty of time to... you know... have a life! All this temporary freedom is intoxicating, and I’m definitely making the most of it. I find being on placement quite isolating at times, and not surprisingly, I miss my friends and family dreadfully. As soon as placement is over, I have my diary out and phone at the ready; determined to eradicate absolutely any evidence of ‘free time’ whatsoever. But I digress. Soon all this splendid social freedom will be over, and it will be time to return once again to normality; which for a student nurse usually means being on placement, being in bed, or being in the library (hopefully).

I'm acutely aware of the importance of work/life balance, so it's not surprising that after a particularly full-on period of hard work or long placement, I feel the need to distance the nursing side of things for a little while - hence the persistent study struggles, not to mention lack of blogging! However, I am determined to turn things around as of today. I’m just going to watch Come Dine with Me first...

Midpoint Musings

Now that the first semester of second year is finally over, I’m (sort of) officially halfway through my degree. I am genuinely confused as to how this has happened?! Obviously I know how this has happened, but I’m shocked (and scared) at how quickly it has come around. To put my amazement and confusion into perspective, let me point out that this very time last year I had precisely one semester under my belt, and was consequently only a ninth of the way through the programme. To further illustrate my point, I realised over Christmas that by the time the festivities roll round again I will be scouting around for jobs in preparation for when I qualify! I’m starting to have palpitations so I think I’ll leave that thought process there for now, but you get my drift.

I’ve been told by many people that second year is the hardest year: not just because of the increased workload, but also due to the fact that you’re in a state of nursing limbo. I have to say that I’m starting to understand what they meant. For example, whilst I know infinitely more on all things nursing and health than I did this time last year, I still struggle to utilise this information critically in a real practice environment (read: I am rubbish at assessments). However, I am also aware that these things will come in their own good time - I am not supposed to be the finished article at this juncture (is my new mantra).

I am genuinely amazed at the transformation of myself and my peers during these last 18 months, and I am unashamedly proud of us all. With each passing day we develop and evolve into better and more competent nurses, and I for one couldn’t have hoped for more when I started on this incredible journey all those months ago.

All Work And No Play

I always knew second year was going to be hard (they’re not called the ‘second-year blues’ for nothing!), but I didn’t realise things would get quite so tough so quickly. The increase in workload has been somewhat of a shock to the system: currently I have four pieces of work to do, all with the same deadline, and each a different type of assessment. In addition, I begin my placement on Monday, and as you may or may not know with placements comes a whole different set of assessments and paperwork. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I'm stressed!

The problem is I have tendency to worry a lot (a fact you may have noticed!), and worry leads to stress, which in my case, then makes me worry more about the things I am stressing about. It’s kind of like being on a never-ending anxiety-fuelled merry-go-round, which isn’t as fun as it may sound!

The fact that I’m not even two months into my second year is yet another cause for concern, as I expect things will only get harder from here in. I understand that nursing is a hard profession, and that we need to be adequately prepared for what lies ahead once we qualify, but I’m genuinely starting to worry (I swear it’s like a hobby at this point!) about whether or not I have what it takes. Both third year and qualifying seem like an awfully long way away, and I know it’s gonna be a rough ride.

I fully accept that I do not help myself in these situations: I put too much pressure on myself; I concentrate on what I haven’t achieved or can’t do, instead of focusing on what I have achieved and can do; and I berate myself for having a night off from studying even though I've studied seven nights in a row.

Perhaps I should learn to take one day at a time and go a little easier on myself, or perhaps I just need a night off! One thing’s for certain, something’s gotta give.

Second-Year Fear

Three weeks into my second year and I’ve already got ‘the fear’. I’ve quickly come to realise that the expectations now placed upon me are much greater than they were in my first year. My seemingly unbreakable bad habits such as checking a bazillion books out of the library and then never so much as opening them, and researching my assignments as I write them were somehow sufficient enough to grant me a fairly-successful first year, but are not going to be enough to help me achieve that first-class honours I’ve firmly fixed my sights on. I quite simply have to buck up my ideas... which is obviously why I’m writing this blog article instead of writing my assignment. Aaarrgghh!

As if all that isn’t enough to make me pull my proverbial socks up, I keep recalling vivid memories of third-year students and newly-qualified nurses I’ve encountered along the way grimly informing me that ‘second year is the hardest year by far’. Of course I paid no attention at the time because I was a first year, and second year seemed soooo far away! How wrong I was! Now that I am a second year however, I guess I should come up with some sort of strategy to help me through what are probably going to be some pretty turbulent times. So here’s the plan so far (you may have guessed that I LOVE making lists by now)...
 

• Spend less time watching The Hotel Inspector and more time studying
• On a related note, finally admit to myself that watching Grey’s Anatomy does not actually equate to studying
• Devise a reward system for study-related achievements - let’s face it, probably involving cake
• Read something every day; not including my Facebook news feed or texts
• Achieve some semblance of work-life balance; starting with having at least one night out where I don’t talk about nursing the entire time, or end up recruiting for potential nurses, paramedics, HCAs etc
• Stop thinking that I am going to somehow kill a patient every second of every day whilst I am on placement
• Last but not least, just be the best that I can be. I am not the perfect student nurse, and I never will be. As long as I try my best, nobody can ask for more.